It is unfathomable - you have done it again! You have come back for more! I am so enormously grateful, thank you. I mean, I would like to give you a hug, instead I am sending you a virtual one and hope you can feel in your heart the warmth and love I sent to you!
Thank you, and welcome!
Today we explore a topic that is sheer impossible to explore in a lifetime, let alone in a blogpost. However, time and/or life is what we will dive into. Why? Because we can? And because why not. Yolo and stuff, and for those younger or older than the generation that instantly knows what this acronym means, I will offer you my sincerest condolences for we are THE generation. Isn't is good (and simultaneously rather hard) being a millennial?
Although I guess every generation has its perks.
YOLO - you only live once.
Because we millennials were young once too, before those backs and knees started hurting for no apparent reason other than a bad diet, too little sleep because of anxiety, too little exercise because of depression, and whatever other ailments trouble the souls of our millennial generation.
I digress, and I love it.
Moving on. Let’s take a ride.
Time and life.
Why?
Gather round, gather round - let me tell you a story about a girl that went on an adventure. It may as well have been a boy, it could have been anyone really. Let us just say it was a human being in this time and age, daring to throw all warnings of the elders, aka (also known as) parents, to the winds and dream big, out of the box, of something that was not everyones cup of tea.
Which is good, imagine a world where everyone had the same dreams or drank their tea in the very same way!
Horrific.
Anyway.
This human being, we call it HB, put all efforts for two years into the realisation of said dream. HB had a lot of help from friends who encourage and enriched HB’s life and the pursuit of the vision. Then, finally, after not even thinking it could become a reality any time soon, it manifested, seemingly out of nowhere within a week. At first HB struggled with huge fears and panic attacks. HB did not know why. Then HB recovered and just did it. Dove right in, took the leap and hoped for the best. The best turned out to be one of the major setbacks in HB’s adult life.
Unmet expectations syndrome met restless heart syndrome.
This is how it should have been, thought HB.
There is no going back either, thought HB too.
The battle ensued. It was horrific, inside. On the outside no one would have guessed what epic Lord-of-the-Rings kind of scenes took place in HB’s mind, heart and soul. We are talking about the 'For Frodo!' with tears in Aragorn's eyes, the gates of hell opening and the odds absolutely not in HB's favour battles!
It nearly crushed HB.
Multiple times. Each time HB got up the legs were trembling more and more, every time they seemed to no longer be able to carry the weight of the world on them. And still another day past by. HB got up. And then another. HB got up again. When the end of strength was reached, the last resort given, the thread almost at breaking point - everything changed.
What changed?
Time changed the course of life.
We have all heard the saying time heals every wound. It is cheesy, but true. Still, when we find ourselves in situations that are hard to bear, nearly impossible to go through - a saying like this makes the struggle worse, or so I think personally. Rolling eyes and tutting and all that jazz. Because at some point everything is on edge, every nerve is tense, ready to snap and the overwhelm creates a mindset that shuts one off of the possibility for times to actually be able to create any sort of difference. There simply is nothing left to be able to conceive a change of that magnitude to relieve the suffering and despair.
In our example, HB is me.
Duh, I know.
And I was ready to snap barely two weeks ago. I remember it so vividly because it was the charming date of the 8th of August, 8/8, and the only thing I did right that day was to not go through it alone.
Earlier this year I had made the first experience of a lifetime that I can actually reach out to my closest loved ones instead of figuring everything out on my own (unless they see me struggle and flat out engulf me with their support and love, in which case I surrendered no questions asked). Two times since February have I reached out while I was going through an episode of an absolute abyss, emotionally speaking, maybe a bit spiritually too.
On the 8/8 I did so too. And since then my life has drastically altered its trajectory. Still, it took about another week, so more time, for life to truly flourish into the most magnificent gift again.
What I am trying to convey in so many words is that today I was flabbergasted by the fact that basically only a week ago I came out of a severe burnout like state where nothing made sense, everything felt out of alignment and I was ready to abandon any plan whatsoever to continue the life I was leading, flee (you fools! Sorry I needed to get Gandalf in here somewhere!) to the shore of my known, safe and secure Hobbit land and sleep until the nightmare I created for myself would be solved mysteriously, miraculously and gone, blissfully on its own without any energy or effort needed on my part.
Well, as you read these Norwegian Chronicles, you have guessed right. I did not do that.
HB is thriving again.
HB did a yoga practice on the top of a rock today.
HB did not mind that the wind was so strong yoga poses were sort of not going the way HB had imagined it, so instead HB stayed in the bliss of the Now, sat down and embarced the fact that the heavens parted the clouds just for herself to be showered with golden light of an seemingly everlasting sunset.
Everything is looking up and bright and like a present again. Being present again may have something to do with that too.
And without even trying have I now tackled the highly philosophical topic of what is time and how does it correlate with life and what does it all mean.
Effortlessly, I know!
Thank you.
No, but really. Time has the power to change even the darkest outlook on life and transform through burning down one way of living, one way of being, one way of thinking, one way of holding yourself back, one way of the state of affairs and thoughts in your head, to the uprising like a Phoenix out of the ashes of what once was true for you to what is now in alignment with you. Most times you already know deep down within what you need to do to get that drastic change for the better. Most times it scares the hell out of you. Most times you need a loved one that is brutally honest after listening for you whine for an hour and summarise what you have said, conclude what the essence of said speech had been and confirming that they actively, generously and whole-heartedly listened to you by asking the question that will bring you to your knees.
In the best kind of way.
Because from there the only way is up.
My friend asked me: It sounds like it distracts you from what you are actually wanting to create and be living right now. Did I misunderstand that?
She did not.
I did already know.
There is magic in someone outside of your own head and heart and soul asking the exact same question that you already know the answer to.
I was just missing the part where I would have the courage to ask myself that very question. Mainly because I knew the answer before the question and the answer scared me to death. And I was so scared for such a long time, I needed time to gather strength.
Time goes by.
The only constant in life is change.
The thing that scares you is most likely the thing you need to do in order to grow.
What are you the most scared of right now?
Would it change your life?
From my little corner of the world, the howling winds of the North shall bring you all my love and joy and light, my beloved, fellow souls.
May you get everything you need…
… and a pinch of what you want.
Nadine
Comments