The I A M series; Part 3: Never Finished Learning

My beloved souls!

What a week has passed!

Can you relate to the feeling of a whirlwind of experiences and not a second to reflect on them because it is happening so fast and there doesn’t seem enough time in a day or even a week to process?

The pieces of the puzzle are slowly coming together now. I feel called to start sharing more about it. All of my efforts and all of my energy flow towards documenting this journey and grasping every opportunity and possibility presented to me in the field. And if you are curious what that means, Google surely has an answer to ‘physics proves that the field of all possibilities exists’, trust me!

How that looks in the ordinary world of everyday life I shared previously. Routines to prime my essence on self care, self growth and furthering the projects that my heart desires. This week I attended a five day challenge that was free of charge. The last time I invested time in nurturing my thirst for learning and knowledge dates back to November 2023, so it was about time to get some of my time and energy channelled into something that has the potential to widen my horizon, expand my outlook and enrich my journey.

And, goodness, did that woman deliver on her promises!

Her name is Anna Schepperle, and I have never heard of her before. It doesn’t even matter who she is or what she does. The ad was there, it was free of charge and she promised to bridge the oh so often overlooked gap of spirituality and strategy, energy and business. And it was an all women’s event. And it was in German. The first a thing of novelty to me, the latter something I never did before. Without further ado, let’s dive into the core take aways from these five days and how I plan on going about integrating the information into my system, meaning the epigenetic, cellular transformation, as well as implementing all of it in a coherent step by step approach to building my vision.

DAY I

‘You have to go first, be all in and ask yourself how good can it get?’

Obviously I compressed what two and a half hours content was gifted to us. Yet, my genuine take away from that first day were three things and all are present in the quote above. Firstly, matching the vibe of the structure of this sentence, going first. Treading on a path that you have not been on before, and actually realising that even if you have a mentor or coach that guides you, assists you, supports you, even roots for you, shows you your blind spots and shares all their wisdom with you, in the end it is you taking the steps. And with every failure you will fail upwards, take another step and climb the ladder towards your own vision, your aims, your dreams, your sense of legacy.

And that brings me to the second part of the statement.

Being all in. I have talked about my plan before. I gave myself two months, until the end of December 2024, to turn this ship around and see some results in the financial sector. If not, I told myself, I will go back into employment to not go into debt and screw my debt free life up. However, what I felt deeply was that creating this plan B served me up until now. It created a sense of security and provided in every conversation with everyone around me the reflection of not having lost my marbles, so to speak. Because I was able to argue that, if all else fails, I will concede to doing the sensible thing. The sensible thing, I never shared but knew in my heart, was giving up. In my mind, I still cling to that thought by the way even though rationally and spiritually I know it is absolutely a limiting belief. I thought that having some tangible thing that sounds sensible to everyone around me except for myself, was good. Now I know, it is absolute BS, excuse my language. Either you are all in or you are not. And with a plan B you are not because a back up plan always means you don’t have to try too much. Without one, you completely rely on your wits and the glowing of the coals within becomes a fire to just do it. And so, for the first time in my life, consciously aware of the anxiety it causes and the fear I experience, I discard my plan B. Because it never was a real one to begin with. I won’t go back into any employment. I am not meant for employment. I am meant to work on myself and make that knowledge available to others. I am meant for conversations and epiphanies. And eventually I am meant to create an alternative to the status quo of living today. I am not meant for a plan B because my plan A is too important to put aside simply because a lifetime of conditioning has infiltrated my own thermometer of what being sensible means. I am being sensible in only having a plan A, I am not acting sensible according to my internal compass if I go for a plan B. And overall, safety and security do not rely on amonthly income, do not stem from something outside of us. True safety and security take root when they come form within, from starting to trust oneself and knowing the strength, the versatility, the creativity that made us see it through and take away from it all we can, which, undoubtedly relying on the kind of mindset we nurture, can only be good.

Which brings me to the last part of the quote.

How good can it get?

Honestly, the reason for having a plan B in the first place was the freaked up mindset that one has to evaluate the worst case scenario to be prepared. How healthy is it to prepare for the worst? Genuine question. Maybe I deep dive into a delusional way of mindset here. But having your whole brain and system wired to the worst possible outcome you can imagine, what good does it do you? Aside from the fact that there are infinite possibilities of outcomes on a spectrum that you cannot identify even if you’d tried. Personally, this limiting belief that there has to be a plan B does not even remotely fuel the possibility of the best imaginable end, on the contrary. Making a plan B enhances the fear that what you envision is too big, too great a task, too much to handle, too good to be true- so better have a backup and don’t believe in yourself being able to reach that goal. A plan B equals a way out, an easier route, a safety net of your own making because your subconscious belief is that you will fail. Yet, if I fail, I will fail upward. And if I fail, I will know I tried and will not regret having being all in. Taking away all the lessons from having only plan A and coming up with another plan A if the former one transforms organically. You can only see step two if you take step one first.

Therefore, I am all in.

No employment and no time constraint.

I will find a way.

Because this is my life.

And my way.

Yes,I am not going to lie, I am shit scared.

And, yes, asking myself a totally new flavour of question:

How good can it actually get?

Day II

‘You have to be a nobody to be a somebody’

The next logical step, after identifying and recalibrating the paradigm shift that transformed the blueprint of my identity, is to realise that letting go is part of the ever constant tides of change that life consists of. Meaning, cutting energetic ties and cords and belief systems along with it. If up until now I was somebody and have created a life that I cherish brilliant. If, however, even one little thing about this life is off and doesn’t nourish you, enabling you to thrive, then it is time to strip down and lay bare and observe. Bravely and courageously. Breathe in and breathe out and take the step that is necessary, that step that your soul has whispered in your ear gently for weeks, months and in some cases even years. Cut the cord to who you thought you were. Rip out the picture of yourself. Loose the ego. Detach from what you thought is necessary and off limits. Actually, what you deem off limits to explore might exactly be the trigger point where the attachment core lies. Again, be brave. Become nobody. From thereon gather up again what serves you and create that somebody where all areas of your life are thriving.

I intend to do that.

I often hear people say that they think I am full of courage and bravery for how I make my decisions and just go for it.

I always answered, it has nothing to do with bravery, it just feels like there is no other way.

Truth be told, looking back on my life now, even and especially the last ten years, and specifically the four years I spent travelling- I was never brave or courageous as people tend to think. I was intuitively acting upon a whim, I was impulsively doing without a second thought, I gave in to that pull inside because I had no other choice. This time is different. And that is probably why I am horrified and petrified and genuinely scared.

Why? Because this time around I am very conscious of the fact that there is a choice. There is a pull as well, yes. And as soon as I realised that I will discard my plan B that pull, once more, became all there was to it, no choice anymore. But that pull too was describing and reflecting the experience of the last four years. Of pain and suffering, of doubting of questioning, of toil and turmoil, of highs and lows, of barely scraping by, of asking for help and support, of trusting blindly, of taking the leap and a net always somehow appeared but never knowing if it actually will again. And I see the possibility of stability. And it is alluring to peace and comfort and quiet and stillness, and also a lot of other possibilities. I know myself enough to realise that I would want to push forward, volunteer or create in the outside even while living a life of being employed and stationary in an apartment of my own. Total opposites are presenting themselves like a fork in the road. And this is the first time that I actually am gifted with the conscious choice of what do I genuinely want to do.

This time around, I will truly and authentically and mindfully be brave.

I will not give in to a lifestyle I do not want to lead, or am able to identify myself with anymore.

I am creation, creation wants to create, not divide their energy and time between whatever time and energy is leftover after giving the majority of time and energy to someone else’s vision of how time and energy should be spent, in exchange for money. Because money comes when I step into the full expression of my self, heart and soul aligned with strategy and action steps taken.

Become a nobody to become the somebody I want to be.

On that day we did a visualisation meditation and I want to share it because maybe you feel called to try it out for yourself. It is basically a Ho’Oponopono variation.

Once you are in comfortable position, lying down or sitting up, connected to your breath with eyes closed and feeling into a state of calm, fully centred and anchored within yourself, imagine yourself in a meadow or some other gorgeous space in nature. Obviously you encounter a beautiful door and make that visualisation come to life by really identifying the way the frame and door and handle look to you. Then you, no surprise here, walk through and find yourself in a cave-like environment, not threateningly but quite cosy, realising that this is your soul space where your essence dwells. You venture on, exploring this room and, as you did with the door before, take a good look around, imagine as clearly as possible. The walls and shapes and who else is there and what is happening around you. Actually it can be anything and everything you see, there might even be people there. And then at the side of that room yet another door can be seen. Once you had a close look at it you want to go through, this door is heavier than the first one. You are able to open it and find yourself in a totally different room. Again, make it come to life before your inner eye, and then realise this is your heart space. Once in the middle of that space you stand there and people start to appear. First you see your mom, close as though she were actually in front of you, remembering the colour of her eyes, hair, wrinkles or now wrinkles, height, aura around her, everything. How are you feeling, what emotions come up when you let her materialise in front of you so clearly? Take your time to truly define the feelings you encounter. And furthermore, continuing the journey, you see between you and your mom an energetic bond, a cord, that materialises too. What does that cord look like, what colour, what consistency, what energy, what feeling is connected with it. This same thing repeat with your father that appears to your left side, your mother’s right side. Then with another person to the right of your mother, another person to the left of your father and, lastly, a fifth person at the very front of the four people you envisioned before. All the emotions connected to these people, all the bonds and the quality of those energetic cords, make them come to life and take all the time to go deep and let yourself be the observer of the one experiencing these emotions. Now, just as the five people have a bond with you, they too have five behind them, and those five have five each too behind them, and so on and so forth. Visualise it until you see a mass of people and the epiphany hits you that, actually, there is a mass of people that you shared and carried projections, rejections, conditioning, beliefs and patterns with and for. But you want to be somebody, so you want to become a nobody first. It is time to cut the cords. You let a scissor materialise and one by one you go through all five people and cut the cord. Again, take as much time as you want. Honour your decision, cut the cords. While you do that repeat the following sentences to each of the people you let go, as often as you want and yet a minimum of two times, and by the way the order of the sentences does not matter at all:

I am sorry. I forgive you. I love you. Thank you.

After that the mass of people, and finally all of your five people, slowly start do disappear. Only one person remains. You. And you feel your heart space fill you with warmth and light and joy. Recharging you after this process. And you then repeat the sentences from before to yourself, kindly, lovingly, gently. When you are ready you can return through the second door to the soul chamber and through that first door to your space in nature, returning from that visualisation meditation back into your physical body and world.

Day III

‘Living what you preach, and from there selling because your integrity creates value for others’

It was a lot on that day three.

Mainly because the topic of sales has always been somewhat the trigger point ever since I started my freelance business. Up until August I did not have to sell myself, at all. Clients just came. I was being held by the net that appeared because I took a leap. However, what also happened was the barely scraping by part. I invested a lot of energy and time into my freelancing, and my ROI (return of investment) therefore always was time and energy, never really money though. I say this because it is connected to the aversion of selling myself. Essentially the energy I sent out was this:

My services are not worthy to be sold because I do not present you, my dear client, with any value at all.

Are you thinking that this is an exaggeration? Then you might, subconsciously at least, be in for a treat of an insight. Because if you reflect on your own way of deciding on what you spent your money, you might come to the conclusion that either you overthink, research a lot and invest a lot of time and energy into that, until you come to a decision to buy. Or you buy impulsively, because you trust that product. Either way, the one that made you buy did evoke trust within you, one way or another. You bought because you trusted. Would you buy from someone if you had even an inkling of their own doubt, a sense of themselves not really sure if they are able to deliver what they promise? Not competent enough, not able to deliver excellency, not certain that what they do is even worth being paid for? I would say no. And that is good and well. When it comes to my own services though I constantly overdelivered because in essence I thought I wasn’t good enough anyway, so I had to do more in order to be more in order to earn the minimum of what I wouldn’t even pay myself to do because I thought it did not have value. Maybe that is why I cannot seem to find any project since I started searching at the beginning of October. Or maybe the net disappeared because it is time for a new beginning. Something where I can be all in because I know what to deliver and I am aware of the value I have to offer.

In terms of the vision and the business I want to create now, the business of serving others through my ten years of experience on the self realisation journey, it is a different story. Because from there I can fulfil all requirements stated above: I live what I preach, that is integrity. And because I know the benefits and see the increase of happiness and joy in my own life’s experience, I know I create value for others. Therefore I have a business case of value, that I want to sell. If I wouldn’t, I would allow to stand aside while someone else needs RSVP! Someone needs me to improve their joie de vie, and I see them but won’t offer my assistance? What? No! I want to scream it from the rooftops, I want to spread the news and be the headline of every newspaper, I want to let people on the street know that there is a light in them even if they fail to see or feel it anymore:

Come to me and we will find the unique way that best serves you to dig the light that has been buried underneath layers of conditioning, belief systems and convictions that are not your own and are limiting the unlimited possibilities of this glorious thing that is life. I want to breathe life itself back into you, and I don’t just want it, I will if you work with me.

That is my service. We will find the light that is you, because life itself is waiting to be experienced!

So, I do it right away, with all my heart and I want to sell what I have to offer because it is of great value to you. You want to book a free session, to kick things off, see if we vibe, go ahead and do that today!

Essentially, this third day re-defined what I thought sales was. It is not about making people buy, it is about knowing what value you have to offer and making it known to others, with all of your passion and love and certainty that you provide an irresistible offer for them in service to them.

Day IV

‘Confusion equals lack - so what is it you are sending out?’

It is all about money. And Anna’s statement is that the first priority in her life is money, loving it more than anything else in the world. That triggered me, and I am sure a lot of people. However once we acknowledge that a trigger is actually a gift to see what, paradoxically, we cannot see within ourselves, we learn that it is the most valuable thing that we can encounter in our life. A trigger shows us a blind spot. A trigger shows us a conviction, something that scrapes our carefully crafted identity exactly on that spot where we know we have work to do. So she states that money is what matters most to her. Internally, I immediately scoff and recite all the things that matter more to me. Like love, and community, and giving and serving and friendship and impacting the world for (what I consider) the better. Others may cry out it is their children or family in general. Whatever it is, the point she is making, and that now makes sense to me, is that all of us in that room with her, for the most part, are there because we want to create more money. And yet all of us, when confronted with that desire that lead us there, are confronted with the hard fact that therefore money is an absolute priority to all of us but none of us has the guts to admit that this is so. So we sent the energy out that money is not the most important thing to us, when in fact it is. And so does the energy when we do our affimrations and nice abundance meditations every day. And we also forget that if we make money our priority, the gain from financial abundance entering our life, can influence all of the parts that we deemed to be our priority in a major way. Meaning that, if I acknowledge that money is welcome and has the utmost priority because I know I have value to offer through my integrity to other people, I therefore will earn money that I am able to invest into fine-tuning my skillsets to then present to my clients to offer even more value. And not just my clients, my friends as well. Actually, my whole environment will benefit from me admitting that money is the most important thing right now. Because the abundance that will appear in money, I can then proceed to freely distribute. I will invest in myself more, to grow more to increase the value I am able to pass on to my clients. Certainly. Yet I will also let the overflow of what I create stream into every aspect of my environment. If I am able to buy someone’s coffee and spread kindness every month now, I can go on and do it every day. If I want to help out a friend in need once a year now, without expecting the money back at all, I can do it monthly then. If I want to create a thriving, off-grid, self-sufficient, intentional, spiritual community in the future, every step to get there should be bathed in the realisation that money only has the charge we attach to it. Money serves me a purpose. In its essence, like energy, money isn’t evil or good or anything on any spectrum. Energy isn’t god or bad either, we judge and assess and give it whatever we feel to charge it with. The same with money. Up until that day, I had two major cycles and patterns that governed my way of thinking about money, leading to a confusion of energy, equalling a constant struggle to have it enter my life. Lack and scarcity have been the prevailing flagships of my money mindset, no matter the stirring sea of affirmations and meditations I did to counteract what manifested in my reality.

For context, I have no idea how others behave around money and how it makes them feel. Mainly because even though the topic of money has the utmost priority for the majority of people, no one ever speaks of it. Why? I do not know but a conversation starter side note: Sharing is caring. What is your take on this?

A bit of information before we dive in: Dissociation is an emotionally traumatic experience which causes the disintegration of thoughts, feelings and memories of oneself. Disassociation refers, however, to broader notions that involve an intentional separation or distancing of one or more thoughts.

Now, firstly, whenever I spent money I would distance myself from the seconds I was to to pay for it. Meaning I would be at the counter, waiting to tap my card and from that second to the second I put my card away and the process of payment has been completed, I would not be present at all. Instead of say, feeling a deep sense of gratitude that I am able to afford these nourishments in the form of groceries, or put gas in my car to take me beautiful places and experience wonderful outings, or provide an artist with appreciation for their work in buying one of their crafted things, I would not be present at all. And that stems from trauma. Trauma that spending money on myself, no matter how essential, is evil. Spending money in general is loosing money, no matter how wonderful the thing you buy is and how much it means to you. And spending money always costs more than just the amount of money spent, because of the scarcity you create by spending something which you essentially shouldn’t spent because you don’t have it (even though you have it). Does it make sense? An example of the money identity I created, disassociation. Another thing could be scouring for the cheapest price, always checking the prices before you treat yourself to a meal in a restaurant, in your mind scolding yourself all the time when you buy something or preventing yourself from buying something because you ‘don’t have the money’.

Secondly, whenever I received money I always thought I did not deserve it, given in cash for a service I would even go to a first reaction of declining and rejecting it. Someone wanted to gift me with money, immediate reaction guilt and shame and pushing it away. All of this is connected to self-worth but not only. It also stems from the relationship you established with money through what you saw while growing up.

Lastly, I brought it as far as not even thinking money is important. Because of the consistent shortage, not merely during my freelance years but throughout my life, even when I was still employed and had a monthly income, I created tools on how to cope with that lack. I developed an ability to intricately convert the energy into other abilities. So instead of looking closely why the lack seemed to be consistent, I focused on building a foundation that did not need money as a pillar to experience contentment and joy. Good for me, right?! Well, yes and no. I am one hundred percent grateful for the foundation and the core of stability I established within myself. However, I have outgrown the mindset that you can be fully balanced if one area of your life is in constant turmoil. Now it feels like a substitute, a veil of unawareness, a cloak to make disappear a theme that keeps resurfacing constantly. And then again, this foundation served me to understand that money does not bring you genuine happiness, which was one of the convictions installed within me growing up. If there was enough money then we would be happy, even though there never seemesto was enough money no matter how much my parents worked or how much material wealth we accumulated . Now that I have found this truth, namely that happiness does not come from money, I am able to integrate something else with it. Money also doesn’t take happiness away.

Money, as everything, is energy. It adds value if we perceive and feel it to be adding value. And therefore I will henceforth work on my relationship with money more intensely. There is a lot to unpack, believe me.

The first tangible steps are to gratefully and joyfully take the money given to me, become aware and be mindful about the feelings while spending it, instead of disassociating, and embracing the fact that money is an enabler to further the heart projects that are shaping the footprint I want to leave on this Earth.

And here I,again, want to leave you with a visualisation we did to assist on your journey in discovering your relationship with money.

Imagine yourself in your own home, once you are in a comfortable position, lying or sitting or standing, breathing deeply and connecting to your heart. Then there is someone at the door, either knocking or ringing the bell. You get up, open the door and outside, you see Money.

Intuitively without much further thought answer yourself these questions:

Does it have a male or female energy?

Is it a person or a thing?

Is it big or small?

Do you feel elated, excited, fearful, anxious, stressed, joyful to encounter it?

And how do you perceive money to be feeling in your presence?

Would you invite money in?

Would money want to come in?

Why would you not invite money in? Is there shame or guilt to show your home to money?

Would you even want to welcome money in? And how would you imagine money feels when it is inside your home, seated at your table and sipping on a beverage? How does your relationship with money feel?

Day V

'An impuls for courage'

The truth is, day five was more or less a roundtable with Anna and her team of four experts. It was about answering questions and being able to hear from millionaires. I guess to somewhat inhale the millionaire mindset and get the take on some of our questions from a millionaire mindsets perception. There was no huge epiphany, and I think that after four days of deep work and a lot to integrate, stuff that will reverberate for months, maybe years to come, this was the perfect way to end a week of transformation. The only thing that I want to share from that day is the very last question that was given to all five to be answered from their point of view. Not because there was nothing else of value, more because I believe everything we have talked about, all of it, boils down to this very essence. The question revolved around being courageous and brave. It wasn’t even really a question, it was an impulse, a reflection on what courage means to them personally. In essence their take on courage can be summarised with three key points:

1. YOU

   Yes to the biggest and most successful version of yourself, no 'what would have been’s anymore, no sacrificing of another year without becoming the fullest and most fulfilled version of yourself because, if you are lucky, you have 80 summers and winters and springs and autumns, how many have you been wasting already because you were taught to doubt your dreams, yourself and your abilities?

   
   

2. LIFE ITSELF

   There is magic woven into the very nature of life itself. And yet rarely do we ever look up into the starry sky and experience wonder anymore, rarely do we truly create a life for ourselves that we want to have, buried underneath all the responsibilities that we carry around thinking that is what life consists of, what it is about. If we are not daring to do it differently than what we have been taught to believe, we may wake up and realise that we have missed what life is truly about. Magic, highs and lows that make us grow and expand and experience more and more and more, limitless growth, limitless possibilities, anything you can possibly imagine. Life has to offer exactly that: Wonder and magic is all around us if we dare to look. It is, after all, happening anyway, thus, let us consciously decide that it happens with us, for us and not to us.

   
   

3. A BIGGER PICTURE

   From a perspective that goes beyond what is you or what is life, everything is connected. There is a bigger picture to be seen. And that consists of the impact, the footprint you create everyday. Wouldn’t you make it count? Wouldn’t you want to look back on your life and smile because you know you have given grace and laughter, supported and build something you know will last beyond your physical existence? A legacy, no matter in which manner or what it looks like for you, but a legacy fuelled with what is outlined through the first two points. Magic, love, contributing to something bigger than ourselves.

Concluding this post, I want to add something more that only came to me while I reflected on this last week:

Not only are the last three points the most important ones, in my humble opinion, but they are also the ones I was fortunate enough to experience in this week too. As though the universe decided to not only just let me participate in the acquiring of the knowledge (left brain) but enhance the theory directly with infusing practice and feeling (right brain) into it.

I already became bigger than I was, simply by letting myself discard the notion of a plan B: All in!

I already experienced the magic of life through realising that I want an extraordinary life and for that extraordinary measures are required: No more what if’s!

I have identified and clarified my vision of a legacy and the overall contribution I want to bring to this world through the service of asking the right questions that will trigger whatever needs to be looked at: Building a community through providing valuable service for the community.

I was paid for the first ever conversation starter service, experiencing a joy I never before experienced, simply because I was able to be of service to a most beloved soul (and no, I rejected the money as a first reaction, but hey, what do you want form me, I am still learning, right?! Eventually I was argued into taking it and henceforth will never reject money ever again, I swear! :D )

I hope this was of service to you as well. Share your thoughts, be brave and let someone else receive your wisdom and the words they may need to read or hear today!

All the love and light in the world, from my heart to yours

Nadine