Day 45 & 46: Awakened Awareness & Expelling Expectations
Updated: Feb 22, 2021
Sleeping is one of my favourite things to do, it has been since I was a child, basically I could fall asleep everywhere although I was mostly discouraged to do so by my parents.
But to this day I never have been up before my alarm was due, I may have woken up and took a peek at the clock to make sure I can snuggle in again into the warmth of total relaxation once more, but I would not have gotten out of bed even one minute earlier.
They say there is a first time for everything and this was my first time ever to get out of bed before the alarm went off. If this was not a sign of self-development, I do not know what is.
I did it without a regret, without thinking of going back to bed, without to think about how much longer I could sleep because of a later start at work, it almost felt natural to me. I got up and was excited about the fact that I was able to have a very long walk without the need of one look at the clock to check the time and not be late. Only at the top of the hill, while rain was pouring down on me and wind was relentlessly coming from every direction, as I sat down on a big stone and watched the vast ocean and it's waves crashing on the shore far down below, did I realize how much appreciation I felt for just these ten minutes and the revelation what I had forgotten within my somewhat daily routine now:
The morning walks are not only for Marjorie, they are not only to try and live up to her needs and expectations, they are not only a To Do on a list of daily tasks to achieve. I was so caught up with getting up and out of the house as soon as possible to have between an hour and one and a half hours for a morning walk, getting back to give Marjorie her breakfast and then be on time at the main house to start the day with a coffee and the always joyful discussion of the plans for the day. And the funny thing about that is, just in my first week after quarantine and first week of work with Sarah, I was talking with her just about that: being out with your dog(s) really is a joy and we forget that way too often!
Now, sitting on this stone while Marjorie was somewhere enjoying herself, I enjoyed myself I reduced my speed and started seeing the places I wanted to explore, stopped at the things I wanted to inspect more closely, stood still where the view was too stunning to just pass by. It took me just a mere ten minutes to feel absolute gratitude and leave all the self imposed hurry behind me, enjoy two hours outdoors and returned on time for the workday, relaxed and looking forward to getting started, even though I was soaked and cold.
Hard to believe that after some office work and being dry once again, I actually looked forward to spending time outside with the almost certain prospect of getting soaked once again- but I did! It was time to collect some seaweed, for the beds in the polytunnel as well as our seaweed liquid fertilizer tea project. So we spend 1.5 hours, collected over forty bags, unloaded them back at the polytunnel and all three of us (including Marjorie because she had joined us to make the acquaintance of the lovely Meg, a black labrador dame, ten years of age) were home by five in the afternoon, as predicted soaked to the bones but very happy.
The point that I really want to emphasize here is the following: Just ten minutes a day of breathing, being aware of where you are and how you feel, getting really conscious about what you need and how you can improve your state of mind, just ten minutes can bring you back to alignment. This alignment can lead to a feeling of love, joy and appreciation. This aligment can uplift your day from it just going by to really living the experiences it has in store for you.
After having a very good day being outside for the first half and inside for the second half of it, I feel very proud that so much progress has been achieved and we basically reached all our goals for today. This included feeding the animals, filling and chopping all the raised beds in the polytunnel, collecting the things we need to begin sowing seeds next week, finishing the overview planning sheet for the polytunnel and supporting Elliot with his school sport assignments.
I enjoyed cooking a rather fancy vegetable oven mix in the evening after coming home, groomed Marjorie and treated myself to a movie called "The Book Thief" which triggered so much emotions that I now feel a little bit drained. But then again, I am passionate about movies that let me feel emotions, let me dive into their storyline, capture me and leave me breathless, feel what they want to express.
Something else also crossed my mind today:
Expectations are dangerous, for me at least.
My whole life I was eager to foresee, or rather fore-think, every possible outcome to some plan I had made. I never knew I could change so much, I never knew I could change at all in this regard, but it took only three years and the call to step out of my comfortable safety net in Switzerland, to see expectations in a completely different light. Two times within this same week I had some kind of expectation toward something and both of them turned out to be not only the complete opposite of what I thought they would be like and feel, they let me grow as a person. Largely due to Sarah's wisdom, I found myself in both situations with a different attitude than expected as well as different outcome, due to a change of my perception on things.
Both expectations were tied to work and though I enjoy the work very much, I think as my clothes were not fit to endure the constant rain and I felt wet and cold a lot, my attitude born out of a certain expectation nearly took the motivation and joy out of the task. But then actually being there, feeling different than expected, uplifted by Sarah's joy for living this life, my perception changed and in effect the whole built up of expectation collapsed only for the best possible outcome I never could have imagined. So, gladly I will now make a promise to myself that I will keep away from building up any expectations or images in my head about things to come in the future. It is no good, no good because I cannot foresee the future, I cannot know how I will be feeling in the future and most of all it makes no sense to put energy into something that will eventually surprise you anyway.
I will let life surprise me, to the best of my capacity and ability, in everyway it can because so far, it gave me a life I could have never dreamed and I am in pure bliss and feel overwhelmed with gratitude for the opportunity to being able to live in this special way.
No day similar to the next, everywhere spontaneous, wild surprises, challenges and growth, revelations, kindness, generosity, love and most of all, my choice completely, freedom.
ove and light to you, my beloved souls