16.2.2021
Tuesday started with exceptionally bad weather, throughout the night hard rain was crashing on the rooftop windows and the howling and creaking of the house because of the wind was relentless. Even though I had set my alarm for 8 o'clock, I re-set it to 9 while being up at 6:30 and convinced that no improvement would take place. For the first time since Marjorie came to be with me, excluding illness, I consciously choose my own convenience over her right to a fulfilled life. Although it may sound extremely crazy to some of you out there to even word it like that but I could make this decision only because of a challenge I partake in for all of February, called the self-love challenge (called so by Teal Swan, but mainly doing it in my own way with journaling everyday about my progress as there is no everyday plan or anything, I think it is more like a call to authenticity and self-development). It all comes down to me making a decision through setting boundaries where there have been none before, when it comes to Marjorie I literally never had boundaries and I always have her best interest at heart but beginning small (and maybe also considering that Marjorie would not have been bothered to walk within these weather conditions either way) I made a choice for myself. Monday was exhausting, lovely and beautiful, but exhausting physically, I felt deeply that this rest would benefit me immensely and looking back, it did. I know I can be proud of myself, small as it may seem, and that it was the absolute right thing to do.
To be honest I also feel a little bit insecure about sharing this because I am not sure if the love and devotion I have for Marjorie is a relatable thing, nonetheless I write these stories on this website not only for myself, friends or family, I hope that I might be of service too. Sharing something about self development may be of service to someone out there.
Apart from this remarkable development of self-love and having awareness about what it could look like to care about myself, the day in itself was pretty quiet. Sarah and I got into administration and organizing stuff for the polytunnel project, made the first steps to a good overview of things to think about, time management and how to condense the amount of information into a short and spicy version of every week To Dos for the first year of growing. But then I also had a lovely time in the family bubble, merging into their daily routine of school work, lunchtime, tea all the while squeezing in time for project management. I can only put it bluntly in saying I adore their loving, humorous, joyful energy!
When the clouds broke apart a little bit and formed a little hole exposing blue sky, Andrew sent Marjorie and me off for an afternoon walk, basically saying we should call it a day. He would not take no for an answer although I really wanted to be more of service to them.
Sure enough once we were out the clouds closed their promising attempt on weather improvement but nevertheless Marjorie seemed keen to run and have a walk even with pouring rain lashing down on us. The reward for getting soaked and frozen to the bone was the most amazing, stunning view over the contradictory parts of the sky- one pure darkness, announcing buckets of rainfall with dense white curtains that left no visibility whatsoever as well as clouds building up dangerously high over the mountains, the other a spark of blue in the sky, the setting sun pouring it's rays of light onto the wet landscape making it glow and shine with glory. To top all of it a double rainbow emerged right in front of us (well, mainly me as Marjorie was off probably chasing rabbits or... doing something, who knows what).
After the luxury of a hot bath and freshly brewed lavender tea, new found energy led me to do the homework from my last class and additionally do another lesson of my online course in Blogging/ Content Creating at Shaw Academy.
This truly was a very good day and I felt like in addition to physical work, true fulfillment and satisfaction need to include things like envisioning my life in anew light with new possibilities, aiming for goals I want to achieve, acquiring new skills, living a life of awareness and self-development.
17.2.2021
With a little less rain and wind today, Sarah and I were out and about to go to the city to do some essential shopping, tyding up by bringing garbage to the recycling station, feeding the animals and also find out where and how to acquire seaweed for the raised beds and the organic fertilizer we want to produce with self made "seaweed tea" (similar to nettel liquid manure). I guess because of a troubled night with a few bad dreams (which I am sure have some kind of deeper meaning and contribute to inner healing, but I will not share as I do not know anything about dreams or their interpretation), my body and mind are exhausted today. This is why I keep it short and end with a commitment to the self-love challenge expressed through pure authenticity and sharing two very intimate things.
First I made up a short poem (which in my head had a nice folklore rythm to it, probably acompanied by a banjo or violin, or both) about my love and admiration for the wind:
Oh father wind tells me stories
From oh so far away
Lets us hear of glories
From every shore and bay
He moves the clouds
He brings the rain
He helps the ocean thrive
So, oh my love let us sing
And share his gracious rhymes
Secondly I will meditate before bed over the following affirmations:
I am always supported by the universe
I am worthy of magical experiences
I trust the divine timing of life
I am talented and succesful
I am healthy and at peace
I love myself
Thank you for taking time, following my journey and being interested!
Love and light to you, beloved souls
Nadine